Our apartment complex.
The street we live on.
Well, we’re here. We now reside in Burbank, CA 91501.
The last two weeks have been quite emotion-packed, faith-stretching and laden with change. More than I ever could have anticipated.
I feel like I’ve lived a lifetime in the last two plus weeks and that my life in Georgia was just a dream. Yet that life — a very different one than the one I am now living — was mine just a little while ago.
I sat in the first of two churches we visited this morning smelling the familiar scent of Chai Tea and the college girl’s perfume next to me reflecting a little. Here we are in this crazy film town. As we walked upstairs outside to drop Grant off in the nursery, the familiar “Hollywood” sign was straight ahead in the background. We live here? We live here. We do.
Everything is different here. The weather, the grocery stores, my washer and dryer, the people, the unfriendly people, the landscape, the churches. Even what Hellman’s Mayonnaise is called. It’s not called Hellman’s! It’s freeways here, not interstates. And you can’t call the freeway 5, 5 — it’s THE 5. THE 134, THE 110. We live an urban life here. I can walk to the Mall, the post office, the farmer’s market and the library.
I’ve got to be honest. I am having a hard time adjusting. I am grieving my old life and my old WAY of life. I had my little life figured out in Atlanta. I knew where to shop, where to go to church, where the good parts of town were. We had a community there.
And I trust that it will be like that for us here one day, but it’s really hard right now. I knew this move would be tough, but I never anticipated the spiritual stretching this would be. It’s the painful kind that hurts. Like the kind I experienced when going through infertility.
Here’s my hope though. I love that we serve a God who can take all my pain and sadness and disbelief, yet still pick up the pieces of me and my doubt and use me here somehow. As sad as I’ve been, I know in my heart we are to be here in this place for this time. We are children of light shining in a very dark place. I recognize God does not need us here to help Him. But He’s inviting us to be a part of His story here. And above the sadness and loneliness, I want Him and I want that more.
Sometimes God asks us and sometimes He invites to us to step out of our comfort zones and all the familiar and join Him in work that is hard. But a lot of times it’s the kind of work — be it little or small — that makes a dent in this universe for His namesake.
I’d rather be in the center of God’s will and be stretched than to live a life of mediocrity. There are enough people willing to do that. In my finer moments, I thank God that He trusts me with this work and in my weaker ones when I can’t speak, He carries me and comforts me.
What an amazing Savior.
Do you feel like you are being stretched out of your comfort zone right now?
Yes becca, I feel I am being stretched out of my comfort zone! Lee and I are pirsuingvinternational adoption …south korea. If this is God’s will he will provide the funds and lead the way… Which He has thus farcby opening our hearts to the possibility. I am excited again about being a mom of two.
Great post, Becca. Miss you!!
Becca,
You are doing a great job stretching your faith. It’s often painful, but I admire you so much. You could be sitting in GA in the middle of your comfort zone, but you’re not. You are obeying God and doing exactly what He wants you to do. You will be rewarded for it.
I pray for you daily. I will be emailing you and copying my friend Jen who lives in San Dimas. I have already spoken to her and she is really interested in meeting up. She moved out there 5 years ago not knowing anyone except her parents. She also mentioned that she went through the same things you are now when she had her baby girl 2 years ago. Felt very isolated and alone. She can relate to where you are and has been an amazing friend of mine since 4th grade. I hope you 2 can connect soon!
I love you,
Ashly
Becca,
This is a great post of honesty! I know you are scared, frustrated, happy, etc., etc….. but through it all you still praise the Lord and want what He wants. That says so much about your character..who you really are. I know you to be a brave, caring, loving, funny person, who wants nothing more than to please her Savior! We are praying for you guys! You always challenge me to be more sold out for Jesus. I love you and I’m here if you need a ear to listen or someone to cry with, laugh with, etc! Hang in there and hold on…I believe God has a great ride for you guys!
Becca, it will work out with time. I do understand you. There was a time I moved away from home to go to college. Then i got married and after a while started to miss my family. After being away for 10 years I moved back to where I lived before college only to find out that I loved the life we built where we lived and where we got married and built our family. I do still grieve for that life too, but meanwhile we trust God that He has us in the right place at the right time. Although we are hard pressed at times and want our life the way we want it, we are still waiting to hear a “GO” from God to make sure that we live in His perfect plan. So, the pain of what you feel will pass as you will find new friends and make home in CA.
I wish you the best.
Hey Becs,
It is so cool to know your story and know that you are right where God has asked you to be. You are loved!
Thinking and praying for you! You CAN do it! Once those people of CA get to know you, they will love you!
Jenny
Hi Becca, I totally understand where you coming from. I have lived in AZ for the past 14 years and still haven’t got used to it. The live on West is very different. I used to live on East coast and loved it, it was a very busy life but it was mine and people were more true than they are on the west. I know in time will tell you will get use to live in Hollywood and maybe even love it. Take it day by day and you will see. Having a baby makes it better. Good luck to all of you. Martina
Oh Becca, what a beautiful post full of vulnerability and truth. Thanks for sharing your heart. It has really ministered to me tonight. You have put into words a lot of the thoughts and emotions I have had as I prepare for our upcoming move away from our comfort zone here in GA. Jake started a new job and once we sell our house we are moving out of state, either California (I will keep you posted!) or Texas. The uncertainty can be suffocating sometimes, but as you said in your post, we know God is inviting us to walk in his will for our lives and knowing that there is no other place I would rather be. Praying for you!
Wow, Karin! I am surely praying for you guys in this transition. Please keep me posted, and thank you for your sweet comment!
What a really honest post. You have amazing faith and amazing strength so I know in time you are going to transition at lightning speed. That being said…I’m sorry that you have to go through the bumps along the way. The move doesn’t sound easy and I hope each day makes you feel a little bit more at home in your new spot. ((hugs))
I was moving through blogs and came across yours. I decided to stop–to peek into your life. I read and was fulfilled. You captured so much: faith, change and how to handle it all with grace! I enjoyed reading about your journey and know that you and your family have great things ahead of you even in the midst of the unfamiliar.