Musings of a Brave China Doll

It’s a BOY!

Grant will have a baby brother in September and I will officially be outnumbered! We are so excited we will have two little boys so close in age who will hopefully grow up to be best friends.

In other news, we’ve lived in California for over three months now. Although my view of it has definitely been colored having been sick with nausea for 11 weeks now, each day I grow more and more used to my surroundings.

I am still trying to get used to have to go 3 or 4 different places to get groceries. Things are so expensive here, and there is no Walmart, so I have to shop the deals. I miss Publix. Oh, I miss Publix. Someone tweeted a picture inside of one recently, and I about cried at one glance of the terrazzo floors.

We’ve settled on a great church right on Hollywood Blvd. It’s in the heart of Hollywood just down the street from the Kodak Theatre where the Academy Awards are held. It’s called Ecclesia and meets in an old movie theatre.

The sidewalk outside our church's doors. Hollywood Boulevard, baby.

I think one of the most fantastic things about living here though is the validation and realization that the film industry is indeed an industry with real people who work in it who are just like Josh and me. Before we were out here, I think the tendency was to think that it was this mysterious, elusive industry where only the elite work. But it’s not. We’ve been to these people’s homes. They have kids. They have worries. And they have blockbuster films coming out to a theater near you. They work hard and come home to their families at night – just like everyone all over America.

It’s been so cool to connect with other Hollywood wives who aren’t in the industry but have husbands who are — who get this incredibly hard transition and understand what the loneliness and isolation of LA feels like. Who know what it means to sacrifice and risk everything in a place where everyone else is doing the same thing – fighting for a shot and someone to believe in their work. That has truly been life-breathing for me.  In that sense, I feel a sense of belonging and I feel understood.

I have a riddle for you:

2
-
2

Yes, sirree, I am pregnant with our second baby! I’ll have 2 under 2 for 6 weeks until Grant turns 2!

To say that it was a surprise would be a gross understatement. But a joyful surprise nonetheless!

So, I wasn’t exactly “planning” on having another baby the second I got here. I was thinking Grant would be about three — potty trained — and we would be settled here first. We moved here January 15. I found out I was pregnant January 23.

I think it’s totally funny that I still thought I had any control over my life’s plan. If you know our story (which is why I started this blog), you know that it took 2.5 years of trying and failing before God gave us Grant. Infertility is one of the defining experiences of my life. I firmly believe God had his hand on my womb in order to get glory for Himself and reveal Himself to me in a way I had never known Him before. When my dark night of the soul was over for that season, the dawn broke and I saw the gracious hand of God in the face of my firstborn son.

Now, it’s the opposite experience. Trusting God’s sovereignty in the midst of an extremely hard transition of life after moving here to California. Can I handle all of this? I quickly came to the conclusion that no, I absolutely cannot and that’s exactly where God wants me. Completely dependent on Him. For the community and support we’ll need with no family here. For a church home. For the finances. For the strength and wisdom to raise two babies.

It is such a sheer miracle that I was able to conceive again with no effort. We praise and thank God for this sweet little baby who will be joining our family in late September!

Josh has been a trooper and helping me so much. I’ve been sick 24/7 for the past 5 weeks and it’s not letting up!

Grant loves to climb up under our sofa table. This time we found his having his "quiet time" "reading" a kids devotional. I melted.

Does life get any better, Mama?

Taking in the plant life in our courtyard.

A beautiful orange tree we saw as we walked.

Each day we try to do something and get out. The weather is absolutely beautiful here. Last week, we had weather in the mid-70’s and this week it’s been in the 60’s. No humidity, blue skies and sunshine. These are a few of my favorite things!

Tuesday we went to Disneyland.  We also ventured out to a park and to the LA Zoo with a new friend. Saturday, we drove an hour and found snow, and then drove back to our 60 degree weather in the Valley. Where else on Earth?

Sunday night we attended a Bible study for people in the film industry and we drove out to the breathtaking Simi Valley and visited a couple churches. It was so nice to get out of the city and breathe a little.

Days are still long and tough sometimes, but I find my attitude and where my focus is set for the day really determines the outcome of a day. God continues to be gracious with providing new friends, bright days and the occasional orange tree to remind me that He is here and that He is present.

We don’t have a yard, of course, because we live in an apartment, so I often let Grant play and walk around in the courtyard outside our door. We have a sweet apartment manager who lives on site that lets us borrow her grandkids’ push toy.

Grant is in hog heaven of course, oblivious to his surroundings — just content to be with Mama and to enjoy the day – completely trusting that we will take care of him and his needs.

God teaches me more lessons that I can count from that sweet boy.

Our apartment complex.

Well, we’re here. We now reside in Burbank, CA 91501.

The last two weeks have been quite emotion-packed, faith-stretching and laden with change. More than I ever could have anticipated.

I feel like I’ve lived a lifetime in the last two plus weeks and that my life in Georgia was just a dream. Yet that life — a very different one than the one I am now living — was mine just a little while ago.

I sat in the first of two churches we visited this morning smelling the familiar scent of Chai Tea and the college girl’s perfume next to me reflecting a little. Here we are in this crazy film town. As we walked upstairs outside to drop Grant off in the nursery, the familiar “Hollywood” sign was straight ahead in the background. We live here? We live here. We do.

Everything is different here. The weather, the grocery stores, my washer and dryer, the people, the unfriendly people, the landscape, the churches. Even what Hellman’s Mayonnaise is called. It’s not called Hellman’s! It’s freeways here, not interstates. And you can’t call the freeway 5, 5 — it’s THE 5. THE 134, THE 110. We live an urban life here.  I can walk to the Mall, the post office, the farmer’s market and the library.

I’ve got to be honest. I am having a hard time adjusting. I am grieving my old life and my old WAY of life. I had my little life figured out in Atlanta. I knew where to shop, where to go to church, where the good parts of town were. We had a community there.

And I trust that it will be like that for us here one day, but it’s really hard right now. I knew this move would be tough, but I never anticipated the spiritual stretching this would be. It’s the painful kind that hurts. Like the kind I experienced when going through infertility.

Here’s my hope though. I love that we serve a God who can take all my pain and sadness and disbelief, yet still pick up the pieces of me and my doubt and use me here somehow. As sad as I’ve been, I know in my heart we are to be here in this place for this time. We are children of light shining in a very dark place. I recognize God does not need us here to help Him. But He’s inviting us to be a part of His story here. And above the sadness and loneliness, I want Him and I want that more.

Sometimes God asks us and sometimes He invites to us to step out of our comfort zones and all the familiar and join Him in work that is hard. But a lot of times it’s the kind of work — be it little or small — that makes a dent in this universe for His namesake.

I’d rather be in the center of God’s will and be stretched than to live a life of mediocrity. There are enough people willing to do that. In my finer moments, I thank God that He trusts me with this work and in my weaker ones when I can’t speak, He carries me and comforts me.

What an amazing Savior.

Do you feel like you are being stretched out of your comfort zone right now?

Josh and the 26 ft Penske truck we rented along with a caravan of cars and family pulled out today.

The destination? Burbank, California.

I watched them pull out before dawn with tears in my eyes – the image and moment forever etched in my mind.

Everything is about to change. Everything. We’re ready to chase our dreams, ready to try and possibly fail or maybe possibly not fail at all.

Whatever the outcome, we hope to be people who dare greatly, trust God deeply, and care more about the cause of Jesus than our own affairs and dreams. Somehow I think though, when you are doing what God created you to do — when you are in your sweet spot — it all perfectly works together.

California, here we come.

Yours truly is officially 30. I was celebrated so sweetly by all of my friends and family. Josh set up a “birthday hotline” as a surprise to me and asked people to call in and give me birthday wishes. I was so overwhelmed — nearly to tears. Thank you so much for making me feel so loved. And thank you, Josh, for all the ways you demonstrated your love to me. I love you.
Of course, Josh didn’t let my birthday go by without my annual cookie cake. As a special 30th surprise, he got the biggest one they sell. I won’t tell you how much of that thing I’ve eaten. Let’s just say it’s a good thing I’m a runner.

My baby is 1. We survived the first year. All of us.

Nursing. Need I say more? Sleeping through the night. Not sleeping through the night. Reflux. Endless amounts of spit-up and laundry because of the reflux. Introducing solid food. Figuring out to give gripe water for gas and teething pain. Learning that teething tablets and gel are a girl’s best friend. Long nights rocking and praying. Snuggling. And lots and lots and lots of hugs and kisses.

Thank you, Lord for my sweet baby boy.

Happy Birthday, GW. What a joy you are to me.

One of the traditions in our family is to wake up the birthday person with a muffin and the “birthday bear” and sing Happy Birthday. As you can tell, it makes even the youngest birthday boy feel special.

Traditions are fun to carry out and to start. What is a special tradition in your family?

Can it be true? Can it already be time to celebrate our baby’s first birthday? We had a Winnie the Pooh themed party and Grant’s favorite part was definitely the cake, followed closely by the new dump truck he received.

One recent afternoon we headed outside and took some pictures of the Autumn leaves and our sweet boy of course. I wanted to document our last Fall for awhile. I am going to miss the Georgia Autumns. Oh leaves, please don’t go…